


A Study in Relaxed Anxiety

by shuujinkos



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: M/M, Oral, PRE-E3 TRAILER, TENDER...TPP BBKAZ..., i am in so much denial, mentions of an amputated person???????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuujinkos/pseuds/shuujinkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never knew that something that used to relax and comfort him could make him so anxious he couldn't breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study in Relaxed Anxiety

Miller isn't used to such tender touches, after his skin was beaten raw, and he most certainly isn't used to the coldness of metal brushing against his skin. Snake gives him time, to become accustomed to, peace, but he understands, patience is not the virtue Snake is blessed with. He never knew that something that used to relax and comfort him could make him so anxious he couldn't breath.

  
"Snake..."

He places his one hand against Snake's chest and chews away at his own lips, breaths quiet but uneven from his nose. Snake stops, pulls his lips from Miller's neck and sits back. They share this moment of understanding silence before Snake gives this little grumble in his throat and moves off of Miller's lap, sitting beside him. Miller allows himself to lean against Snake, and, though hesitantly, Snake wraps his prosthetic arm around him. Metal fingertips brush against his skin. He shivers. Snake starts to shy away, but Miller scoots closer, comfortable underneath Snake's arm.

"Kaz," murmurs Snake, and he shifts to face Miller, in turn causing him to turn as well. He doesn't speak again, only tips Miller's chin up and waits for a sign of approval before kissing him gently. Miller is tense and unsure, unsure if he can just slip back into this peaceful kind of closeness with Snake. It isn't easy, and he knows it would never be how it was 10 years ago. They separate and Snake wraps his arms around Miller, pulling him into his lap. Miller's skin buzzes as Snake buries his face in the crook of his neck. He wearily wraps his arm around Snake and rests his chin on his shoulder.

"Do you not trust me anymore?" asks Snake, and Miller can practically feel himself getting pale.

"No."

"No, you don't trust me?"

" _No_."

Snake looks into Miller's eyes. The one clear blue eye that stares into his soul makes it hard for Miller to hold the contact, but he does. Miller huffs a little and shifts his legs around, trying to find a comfortable spot for his, leg.

"I do trust you. With my life," says Miller slowly, finally bringing his gaze away from Snake's intense eye. "It's strange, to come from..." His words die in his throat and he closes his eyes, bringing his hand up to rub at them. He takes a moment, and Snake waits patiently. "From that back to this, so suddenly..." He tries to look at Snake.

"I get it," says Snake gruffly. His hands sit at Miller's waist. "It's just..." This time, it's Snake's words that trail off and die in the air. Miller slowly raises an eyebrow and brings his gaze to Snake's face; his brow knitted and there's the faintest heat radiating from his face, and Miller isn't sure it's actually coming from him. Snake is embarrassed.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since we were able to...Be like this." Miller suggests an end to his statement, and relief washes visibly over Snake. He makes one of his grumpy little noises and nods slowly, tugging Miller a little bit closer. Miller stares at him before leaning in to kiss him softly. Snake does not push, only grips his waist tighter.

"You're not patient, I know," says Miller in a voice hardly above a whisper. "I just need to take this slow." He brings his hand up to a scarred face and strokes Snake's cheek with his thumb. His thumb occasionally meets the fabric of Snake's eye-patch. Snake nods in response and adopts this childish kind of pout on his features. He doesn't want to feel like he's rushing himself, or that guilt is what's propelling him forward, but Miller isn't really thinking about it. He tips Snake's face up and gives him a grin, that isn't quite the same as it used to be; Miller kisses Snake, and it's less innocent, less tender, less soft.

Snake's hands slide down to Miller's hips and he pulls him closer so they're pressed against one another, only breaking their kiss to breathe before diving back into each other. Snake strokes his spine with one hand and wraps the other arm around him to keep him close. Miller threads his fingers through Snake's hair, pulling it from the short ponytail he keeps it in now. Snake's hair isn't necessarily long enough to spill out from a ponytail, but it certainly is much more a mullet than it was 10 years ago.

Miller struggles to stay comfortable, on one knee and trying to keep his other leg in an easy position; Snake takes notice and with ease flips them and pins Miller to the bed. They're still just kissing, because Snake's unsure if Miller _does_ want to move on. So he'll be patient, just for Miller—just for Kazuhira.

"Snake," Miller's breath is hot on Snake's face and he shudders. Snake shakes his head and kisses him again before tentatively kissing along his jaw. He isn't stopped. He gently sets his teeth to Miller's earlobe, eliciting a sharp inhale that takes a couple of seconds to come out. He pulls back and Miller looks mostly calm, maybe a little frazzled and red in the face, but it's probably not from anxiety. He kisses him quickly before setting one hand, flesh, on his hip and rubbing circles there gently and moving to speak in his ear.

"Not Snake," mutters Snake, and Miller makes a noise; it's not often that Snake prefers to go by anything but code-names, seeing himself as a man without a name. He chews his lip and Snake's breath on his ear makes him shiver. "Kaz. Please." His voice is low and gruff and right in his ear and Miller has to close his eyes to get a grip on himself.

"John," says Miller, softly, barely even in a whisper. Snake closes his eye and rests his head in the crook of Miller's neck. He lets himself sigh, in relief, in content, and he lets himself press against Miller a little, only the slightest bit of weight on to him. Miller brings his hand up to stroke Snake's hair. Snake is kissing him again, feverishly, so close he can feel the scars on his mouth and his beard and mustache are so scratchy it almost hurts. Miller doesn't mind, he hasn't ever minded.

Snake's hips press into his, and he almost chokes on his breath. He keeps calm, lets Snake grind against him, and he wonders how long he's been hard. His lungs feel tight even though he's trying his hardest to relax, and Snake is kissing his neck. Miller's head is spinning and he grasps at Snake's shoulder. Snake freezes, immediately, and brings his gaze to Miller's face, considerably more pale since the last time he looked at him.

"Give me...A minute," wheezes Miller, closing his eyes to escape from that gaze. Snake is at his most patient and he feels as though he's trying to make it thinner than it already is. He's wrong, though, and Snake will not lose his patience. Miller breathes slowly, in and out, and finally brings himself to look at Snake. "Sorry, I—"

"It's alright," says Snake softly, gently, carefully, and Miller's heart swells. Miller knows, definitely knew 10 years ago, that Snake is not a very emotional person, especially not when it comes to things like this. He's driven by lust, though he can actually be slightly romantic when a bedroom isn't involved. But right now, Snake is very aware of the situation, he's very careful and tender. Miller tries to think of a time he's felt more connected to Snake while they were being intimate. He can't.

Miller gets a grip on himself and trails his hand from Snake's shoulder to his hip, using feather light touches against his side. Snake shivers and he hesitantly rolls his hips. Miller's breath hitches, but overall he feels much more comfortable, knowing how soft Snake is willing to be for him. He draws little circles against Snake's skin, surprised that he's still so sensitive to soft touches. Their lips come together again and Snake's hand, flesh, is busying itself with slowly ridding them of clothes. When they're both exposed, Snake takes both their cocks in his hand, and gives Miller a look, raising his eyebrow. Miller feels the heat rush to his cheeks and he averts his gaze from such a sultry look. He slowly nods.

Snake strokes them together and Miller's stomach twists. His hips twitch and he can't help his breath hitching and the soft moans escaping his lips. Though his brain is sounding an alarm, his body still responds same as always, with a sure and loud 'yes'. Head swimming, Miller busies his hand in Snake's hair as they kiss again, Snake's tongue running against his bottom lip. He nips his lips and pushes into him, tasting every inch of him, and Miller finds himself thinking less of his discomfort and more of just how long it had been.

"J-John," Miller's voice is quiet and shaky, and he reaches for Snake. Snake takes his hand from their cocks and grabs Miller's, pinning it to the bed and opting instead to grind against him. Miller moans softly and his eyes close. Snake's hand grips him tightly, and he groans softly while hanging his head. "M-more," murmurs Miller against Snake's lips.

Snake's lips and his hand and his warmth were gone in a flash as he moved himself to crouch between Miller's legs, and Miller can only pout. He props himself up on his good arm, and Snake flashes him this look, a toothy grin and this kind of sly squint to his eye. It makes Miller blush, and he, awkwardly, waves him forward with his stumped arm. Snake wastes no time, kissing the head of his cock and dragging his tongue along its length. Miller shudders and finds himself sliding back down and winding his fingers into Snake's hair. Snake takes him into his mouth and practically swallows him; Miller moans and his back arches and his hips buck slightly. Snake holds him by the hip with one hand, flesh, and ghosts metal down his sides, making him squirm and whine.

He works his cock from base to tip, humming and sucking at his head and swirling his tongue around and Miller ignores the knots in his stomach. His mind clouds and all he can think of is Snake. Snake settles with his nose pressed into blond hair and he swallows and Miller jerks, sitting up slightly and gripping Snake's hair tight, tumbling over the edge with a noise that dies in his throat. Snake patiently waits for his orgasm to end and pulls away, smirking at Miller and making him blush hard. Snake clears his throat and moves up again to kiss Miller, who protests only a little to tasting himself on Snake's lips.

"Is it alright if I..." Snake trails off and his nose kind of twitches as his eye looks around nervously. Miller leans up on his elbow and cocks an eyebrow. He stares at Snake, who looks like a nervous kid, and it almost makes him burst out laughing. Snake wore embarrassment well.

"If you don't mind. I know you like it the other way," says Miller smoothly, even though his breath hasn't quite calmed down. He has this mischievous look on his face, and he swore he almost caught Snake's ears turning red. They kiss again a few times, quickly, forcefully, and it pushes Miller back into the bed. Snake reaches his hand over, to the night stand beside Miller's bed and his arm just falls short of the handle of the drawer. He pulls away from Miller to root around in the drawer, and Miller watches him and raises an eyebrow.

"What are you looking for?"

"That stuff, y'know...Vaseline or whatever, you used to have it..." Miller sits up fully and blinks.

"Oh. It uh...Turns out that stuff isn't really as safe as...It was said to be, I guess," says Miller and he clears his throat. Snake looks at him and raises his eyebrows before frowning and sitting back, stroking his chin.

"Then what are we supposed to use?" grumbles Snake, eye narrowed. Miller hums and looks to the ceiling, thinking. He looks back to Snake and shrugs his shoulders. "I can't just stick it in you dry, Kaz, that'll hurt!" growls Snake and Miller laughs at just how concerned Snake sounds.

"I know, I know, I'm thinking. I guess...Spit or somethin' shouldn't be too bad, right?" he grins at Snake and Snake rubs his temple slightly. He wrinkles his nose before getting up on his knees.

"If we're usin' spit, get to it," says Snake, and his eye is looking elsewhere. Miller laughs a little and scoots closer, taking Snake's cock in his hand before dipping down and kissing it softly, gently. Snake jerks a little and struggles to keep himself up straight; Miller takes his cock in his mouth, slicking it good with his saliva. Snake groans quietly and leans over him slightly, petting his hair gently. "That's it..."

Miller gives him a few little sucks and twirls of his tongue before he pulls away, Snake's cock slipping from his mouth with a wet noise. He looks up at Snake and raises his eyebrow.

"Good enough?"

"It's your ass," mutters Snake before pushing him over again. Miller laughs and gets comfortable; Snake holds his thigh with metal (it's cold, and the creases in the joints pinch him slightly) as he lines himself up. Snake locks eyes with him before pushing in, and Miller sucks his breath in through his teeth. Snake is slow, pressing in only when Miller isn't whining and his eyebrows aren't knit together in pain. By the time his hips are pressed into Miller's thighs, he's panting and gripping the sheets tightly enough to rip them.

"This was a _terrible_ idea," says Miller through his teeth, finally opening his scrunched eyes to look blearily at Snake. Snake tilts his head a little and gives him a sympathetic peck on the forehead. Miller sighs and releases his grip of the sheets, resting his arm over his eyes. "Should be fine since you're in, yeah?" mumbles Miller. Snake grunts in response and, holding both his thighs now, pulls out slowly, gently, and then eases back in. Miller clenches and unclenches his fist, but otherwise doesn't complain. He continues like that, painfully slow, until the only pain (if you could _really_ call it pain) left is the throbbing in his cock.

"Kaz..." Snake's voice is meek and the last sound lingers against his teeth. Miller can practically feel every one of his muscles relax. He's almost gotten used to the slight pinch from Snake's metal hand. He lifts his arm from his eyes and Snake's head is hung, eye shut and quiet pants escaping his lips. Miller's cock twitches from the sight and his back arches as Snake's rhythm picks up a little. Miller moans and tilts his head back; Snake dips down and kisses his neck, moving one hand to the mattress at Miller's side. He mutters Miller's name against his neck, biting and licking and kissing the tanned expanse of skin. Miller shudders.

Miller gently strokes Snake's hair as he continues on, giving small little tugs if Snake starts to suck on his skin. Sure, Miller wears a scarf, but that doesn't mean that Snake was allowed to give him whatever marks he pleased. Snake laughs softly against his skin and moves up to kiss him, shifting his hips and quickening his thrusts. Miller whines softly against his lips, twisting a little in his grasp. His cock is just barely rubbing against his own and Snake's stomach, and even that slightest bit of friction makes precum dribble from his head.

Snake gives this little grin against Miller's lips and pauses for a moment to rearrange himself. Miller is about to complain before Snake wraps his arms around him and rolls them over. The movment is strange and Miller's head spins. Before he can begin to protest, Snake's hands are on his ass, pulling and pushing him around. A couple of loud moans leave him before he buries his face in Snake's shoulder, gripping Snake's hair in his hand.

"J-John...Fuck..." His voice comes out whiny and high but he couldn't find the time to care. Snake lets out a moan right into his ear and Miller wants to melt right then and there. His leg is bouncing awkwardly into the mattress with every thrust but it's the last thing he's paying attention to as Snake's thrusts become uneven and erratic.

Snake's voice hardly comes out and he's whispering, "Kaz, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna—Fuck, oh God—," and he pulls out just before he goes over the edge, come spurting up and on to Miller's back. Miller makes a noise and pushes himself up with his arm, but doesn't make it very far before Snake pulls him in and kisses him hard despite both of them being out of breath. Snake finally lets him go and Miller settles for laying against him, though he does want to complain about how unpleasant it is to have Snake's come on his skin.

Snake props himself up on his elbows and Miller shifts to look at his face; he's got this smug look on his face and Miller clicks his tongue.

"Wipe that look off your face and carry me to the fucking shower," growls Miller, flicking Snake in the middle of his forehead. Snake laughs and kisses him before complying, scooping Miller into his arms and getting off the bed. "W-wait, wait, I meant _after_ we put clothes on—," his frantic words fall on deaf ears, though, as Snake begins to carry him to the door while they're both fully naked.

Miller kicks and screeches, but nothing can save him now.

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing and was like IM GONNA WRITE ME SOME KAZ TOPPING and then it morphed into the most tender tpp-era bbkaz (with big boss topping) i could ever produce oh my god. i don't even care that this is SO OUT OF CHARACTER for tpp big boss i just want them to be happy evEN THOUGH I KNOW ONLY SADNESS IS WAITING FOR ME IN SEPTEMBER /SOBS
> 
> shout out to the internet not giving me a clear answer on lube options in the 80s so i just used spit


End file.
